Amy Schumer’s blond hair, quick wit, and juicy booty, aren’t her only secret weapons. Kim Schumer, Amy’s little sister, is swimming in Amy’s Hollyweird shadow. Kim ditched her personal life with husband, Flunky Caramele. Kim works for Amy now. She also dumped her career in psychology in Chicago. Kim moved to New York to join the writing staff of Amy’s Comedy Central show. Amy forced Kim to move 6 blocks away, so they’re also neighbors on the Upper West Side. Amy Schumer’s road manager, head doctor, and bestfriend – Kim was associate producer on Trainwreck. They’re seldom apart. What’s more weird? The sisters rub each others’ stomachs to erase their insecurities about being fat.
“It really helps a lot,” Kim said.
“It’s such a waste of time to be stressed about not liking yourself,” Amy said.
Amy Schumer’s daddy suffers from multiple sclerosis in real life. He got it suspiciously after divorcing their mom. Amy was 12, and Kim was 8. Both parents have been married 3 times, and divorced, so Amy’s scared of love. “Marriage isn’t that sacred to us,” Amy acknowledged, bullying Kim Schumer. Meanwhile Kim doesn’t have kids, unless you count her three-legged pitbull mutt. Kim wed young, at 23, to the guy that broke her virginity during her freshman year at Pace University. They married in a courthouse in Yonkers, N.Y. Amy, a confessed showbiz slut, served as the only witness. Tons of Tinseltown wanna-bes cummed Inside Amy Schumer.
Kim Schumer is afraid for Amy’s health. The constant binge drinking, and random sex buddies, has become a nuisance. Why won’t she just learn how to love something besides her career? She thinks she’d be “the perfect best friend for somebody because she likes hanging out and watching movies and eating good food and having sex.”
“Like, she’ll date somebody and think he sucks, and deep down I know she thinks this guy sucks but she wants to live it out for a while,” Kim said. “Most friends would still be like, ‘He’s cool. Tell me about your date!’ I am not willing to do that.”
“I love that about her, but I take everything she says with a grain of salt,” Amy said. “She met her soul mate right out the gate, and I’m just like, treading water, finding out everybody’s gay.”
Amy is basking in all the limelight, while Kim is hard at work taking credit she does not deserve. Or does she? Kim Schumer spilled tea to LA Times crying, how she misses being “really, really good at her job” and not having to prove she landed a gig just because “she’s Schumer’s sister.”
Film director, Judd Apatow, admitted it himself. “What Amy has accomplished in the last year? A lot of that is the result of Kim’s contribution.”
What do you think? Should Kim Schumer demand time on camera?
