Blake Shelton Miranda Lambert Divorce Certain

“All hell broke loose.  Blake said he wanted Miranda to be pregnant by their 3rd wedding anniversary in May.  He’s sick of waiting.  He said if Miranda was a good wife, she’d give him a baby.  Miranda shot back, ‘No way- Not after losing all this weight.'”

Now Miranda Lambert’s suspect J-Hud ish weight loss is all starting to make sense.  It’s official, she’s getting divorced in 2014.  Blake Shelton has ruined the best thing that has ever happened to him.  Shelton’s elephantine ego from The Voice success has erupted in his pants.  The raging alcoholic, and disrespectful flirt, is relieved his trick worked.

National Enquirer is the only one who had the balls to spill the beans.  $100 million is on the line, and the Opry duo can’t stand to be in the same room.  Blake is ALWAYS drunk, and Lambert has to get drunk just to endure his skunky attitude.  Miranda tried to demand he check into rehab, but he feels just like Amy Winehouse about that.  Well add alcohol to an open flame, and he demanded a baby!

Miranda ignores rumors about her gastric bypass, and is the subject of tabloid fodder because of Blake.  Miranda called Blake a ‘stupid idiot’ for assuming she’d have his drunk ass baby.  He’s a hot mess.

“She worries he will get drunk and then accidentally drop the baby, or smother it by passing out on top of it.”

Miranda’s baby diss, and rehab pressure has Blake running to his lawyer’s office.  He’s being advised on how to protect his assets, since he’s making the lion’s cut of the cash.  All Lambert can think about is how he reportedly cheated with Cady Groves, Cassadee Pope, Christina Aguilera, and even Cher!  She’s plotting to take him down, and can you blame her?  Did Blake Shelton change with super stardom?