Dolly Parton Signed Her Life Away – Blue Smoke

Dolly Parton is 85 years old, and weighs 85 pounds.  She’s so skinny, a gust of wind slammed her against a Met Gala senior citizen’s home.  Carbs, and soda may be forbidden in Los Angeles, but country crooners are worried sick!  Dolly’s body is brittle and tiny.  All the touring, and casting couch pouncing, has worn her out.  Trust fund tycoons tell us she’s wasting away.  Her schedule is killing her.

Dolly’s neck, and head is so skinny-  she can’t even fit her wigs.  Stylist  pressure the elderly vixen to wear shorter hair.  Her body cannot maintain the weight of the longer wigs she prefers.  Parton is exhausted from her concerts.  Shows last 3 hours straight.  Dolly has to promote Blue Smoke, she spent all the cash advance.   Sure she’s a lip singing fame monster.  She never had kids.   All she has besides her measly millions, and a gazillion Grammys, are her die-hard fans.

One of her Bingo buddies told National Examiner, “Her health is failing.  She can barely keep food down and she’s had to take intravenous fluids some nights to make sure she doesn’t get completely hydrated.  She takes an intermission halfway through (the shows) and she sometimes could barely make it back to a couch to take a load off her feet.  For some of us, it seems like a suicide mission.”