Paula Deen Files For Divorce

Butter beans sopped with butter biscuits, could not encourage Jimmy Deen to stay with Paula.  He had to be drunk just to stay in her presence.  Paula Deen always smothered her dry sarcastic personality in lard filled desserts.  Paula’s panic attacks, and agoraphobia caused tension early in the marriage, but never stopped her from over eating.

“He drank, and he drank way too much to suit me.  Even 1 or 2 beers was too much.  That’s all it would take to drive him away from me.”

Paula convinced fans- It Ain’t All About The Cookin, but her waistline & ego, disagree.  Jimmy was Paula’s high school sweet heart.  She didn’t gather the courage to divorce him until after her cooking recipes gave them fame.  Jamie, and Bobby were older.  Paula was fatter, richer, but more depressed.  Jimmy Deen was drinking whiskey for breakfast by this time.  Paula opened her 1st restaurant, The Lady.  Savannah Georgia had never tasted such divine soul food.  As Paula’a pockets grew plump with pride, her tolerance for dealing with a drunkard decreased.  She blew up in 1991, and divorced poor Jim Beam Deen in 1992.  Go figure…

Michael Groover was a divorced father, and boat captain, when he met Paula in 2002.  Paula was too rich to pass up.  Her beautiful blue eyes sparkled harder than her Vogue dentures.  They married in 2004 after Paula Deen forced him to gain weight.  When Paula lost all the lucrative endorsement deals for popping racial slurs, Groover was right by her side trolling sex addict college coed websites for fun.

Reports claim Michael Groover has secretly hired a divorce attorney.  He’s bored with Paula.  Insiders even suggest he carried on a long affair.  Paula Deen is an ego maniac hooked on bashing employees, and diet drugs.  Groover can no longer handle the mood swings, and her obsession with fame.