Regis Philbin Rose From The Dead #Today

Gap Tooth Mike Strahan thought he buried Regis Philbin.  Hollyweird replaced Regis with Mike, just like we replaced Kim with Kendall.  Regis contemplated suicide when he was no longer included in showbiz entertainment.

“Regis was hell on Joy, being around the house all day,” a pal revealed to The National ENQUIRER. “She would try to get Regis to travel with her, but he wanted to stay home – and that just drove her stir crazy!”

Regis Philbin was B listed when he fought with Live! With Regis and Kelly  producers over his multi million dollar salary.  With one foot in the grave, and the other in debt- Regis has finally booked another Tinseltown gig.  Either he learned to twerk like Miley, sucked Ryan Seacrest pipe, or sacrificed a loved one like Jennifer Hudson.  Maybe Joy Philbin jumped on the casting couch.

“Regis never really saw himself as retired.  All he could do was complain he was bored. He was driving Joy nuts. He’d be on the phone constantly trying to drum up new TV deals, and then get depressed when they didn’t pan out.”

His new gig will reunite him with Kathy Lee Gifford in the 4th hour of NBC’s Today.  It’s a recurring role too!  Regis and Joy are elated about his new job, and excuse to be snobby again.  Kathy felt horrible watching Regis age so aggressively, and eat Zoloft.  At 83, Regis Philbin has the talent to get paid and shine.  Just in case you haven’t received any replies from Hollyweird agents for your fresh vibrant talent…just know they’re wasting cash hiring senior citizens with inside connections.