Tips For Being Black And Unarmed

A private autopsy found that Brown had been shot at least six times.

Tons of celebrities are wasting time, and lime- light, posting dumb photo and videos  of the #ALSIceBucketChallenge.  Meanwhile, Ferguson, Missouri is looking like Iraq following the murder of Mike Brown.  We aren’t racist, but we are afraid to wear a hoodie.  We’re also terrified of police.  The Onion compiled a list of logical tips to help young, black, men avoid getting Trayvon Martined.


  • Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.
  • Avoid swaggering or any other confident behavior that suggests you are not completely subjugated.
  • Be sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.
  • Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.
  • Don’t let society stereotype you as a petty criminal. Remember that you can be seen as so much more, from an armed robbery suspect, to a rape suspect, to a murder suspect.
  • Try to see it from a police officer’s point of view: You may be unarmed, but you’re also black.
  • Avoid wearing clothing associated with the gang lifestyle, such as shirts and pants.
  • Revel in the fact that by simply existing, you exert a threatening presence over the nation’s police force.
  • Be as polite and straightforward as possible when police officers are kicking the shit out of you.