Tons of celebrities are wasting time, and lime- light, posting dumb photo and videos of the #ALSIceBucketChallenge. Meanwhile, Ferguson, Missouri is looking like Iraq following the murder of Mike Brown. We aren’t racist, but we are afraid to wear a hoodie. We’re also terrified of police. The Onion compiled a list of logical tips to help young, black, men avoid getting Trayvon Martined.
- Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.
- Avoid swaggering or any other confident behavior that suggests you are not completely subjugated.
- Be sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.
- Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.
- Don’t let society stereotype you as a petty criminal. Remember that you can be seen as so much more, from an armed robbery suspect, to a rape suspect, to a murder suspect.
- Try to see it from a police officer’s point of view: You may be unarmed, but you’re also black.
- Avoid wearing clothing associated with the gang lifestyle, such as shirts and pants.
- Revel in the fact that by simply existing, you exert a threatening presence over the nation’s police force.
- Be as polite and straightforward as possible when police officers are kicking the shit out of you.