Why Is Tom Cruise Banned From Hollywood? Hint: It Ain’t Scientology

shitty situationEveryone in Hollyweird has labeled Tom Cruise a douche for his affiliation with Scientology. Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes divorced him despite his large bank account, and showbiz connections. Suri Cruise hasn’t seen her dad in years. Now, Katie Holmes is letting Jaime Foxx smash her innocent pasty cakes to smithereens. Tom’s latest movies failed at the box office. Cruise is in miserable denial, and some say he’s depressed. His own mother won’t be seen with him in public.  Hollywood has admittedly threatened to cut Tom Cruise off, and ban him from the industry.  It has nothing to do with his cult-like church, the Leah Remini gossip, or Suri.

Tom Cruise is creepy, and more disgusting than Angelina Jolie’s kids.  Rumors claim he’s using shit sample to fight aging.  Assistants are forced to collect Cruise stool samples. Now we see why Katie REALLY left.

According to Us Weekly, Cruise uses a bizarre anti-aging treatment that involves having his excrement tested by doctors to diagnose “imbalances related to advance aging.” The tabloid alleges that the actor fills Tupperware with his waste and stores it in his room on the set of the upcoming Mummy reboot. “An assistant collects the samples for testing,” claims the magazine’s dubious source. “They can only be picked up after he’s left the Winnebago.”

We may be weird, but we ain’t putting up with SHIT like this.