Cat Fight To Play Mary Tyler Moore

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Mary Tyler Moore just died yesterday, but Hollyweirdos are racing to get a movie in the works.  We saw Natalie Portman get rave reviews and attention for her real life portrayal of Jackie Kennedy.  Tinseltown’s biggest honchos are scurrying to snort up A- listers to play TV legend, Mary Tyler Moore.  Everyone is dropping their name in the bucket in hopes they’ll be chosen to play the icon.  Will the selection be based off talent?  Or will Hollywood pick the sexy siren who sucks and swallows, with the most showbiz connections?

Insiders claim the movie will be explosive.  It won’t just showcase Mary’s successes.  This movie will unveil Moore’s heartbreak and struggles too.  Not only did she battle with alcohol- she was married three times, and her son died from a gunshot wound.  The script is filled with award winning potential, and stained with hot tea.  Weird actresses with fading beauty are aching for nominations, and willing to do anything for the role.  How low will they go?

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Jessica Biel is willing to suck a shriveled producer noodle for the role.  We question Jessica’s true talents.  Every since pairing up with Justin Timberlake, her career has taken a backseat.  Biel plays the doting housewife and mom, while Timberlake is still his womanizing, coke snorting, self.  Zooey Deschanel is a beautiful brunette, but we keep mistaking her for Katy Perry.  Plus, Zooey doesn’t have the rhythm and dance chops to play a super talented star like Mary Tyler Moore.  Jennifer Garner is well connected in this business, even her marriage to Ben affleck was a Hollyweird arrangement.  Garner is talented, and dedicated enough to learn to dance, but she’s boring.  Why do you think Ben is bailing out of their marriage with kids?  Jennifer Garner’s ‘girl next door’ image is no match for Hollywood’s Kim Kardashian era.  We need a star who’s popular, sexy, and talented to play Mary Tyler Moore.  Do you have any suggestions?


Don’t tell anyone we told you, but whispers claim Jennifer Lopez is putting her spicy cock on the block for the role.