Lindsay Lohan Has A New Man – Old Rich Rocker Dope Fiend Tho

Lindsay Lohan has smashed everyone in Hollyweird from Zac Efron to Ashton Kutcher.  She admitted letting Orlando Bloom, and Wilmer Valderrama skeet in her face.  They don’t call her ‘fire crotch’ for nothing.  A whiskey coke bender found Lindsay in a sleezy Wilmington, California motel with Ryan Philippe.  Benicio del Toro was in love with the freckled face bisexual, but Joaquin Phoenix complained of Lohan’s body odor.

Now that her career has stalled, so has the cash to stay high.  Lindsay’s talent is likely burnt in The Canyons.  She was fired as Karen in Speed the Plow for breaking character, and forgetting her lines.

Oprah Winfrey couldn’t save Lindsay Lohan.  Her Benjamin Button looks, and fame addicted stage mom are to blame.  She hasn’t been caught stealing in a while, so fans assume her brokeness has slammed her in to sobriety.  These days, Lohan has her sights set on the grand-pappy of rock.

“Sleeping with Mick has been a dream of LiLo’s for years,” a source told The National ENQUIRER. “She’s a huge Stones fan and she’d give anything for a date with him!”

Did we mention Rolling Stones’ Mick Jagger is also bisexual?

“Lindsay isn’t the least bit fazed by Mick’s list of impressive exes, and she loves that he’s such a bad boy,” the snitching weirdo admitted.

“She thinks he’s the male version of her. She’d love just one night with him, but she’d be totally up for something more!

Lindsay Lohan lives in London  now, and “She’s confident she’ll run into Mick, and then she’ll make her move!”