Top 10 White Folk We Wish Would Help Us Fight

#10 Justin Timberlake
He caught a bunch of slack for backing Jesee Williams EBT speech. Justin Timberlake loves blacks so much, he married a wootie. All of his best music features African Americans. Imagine the cash and awareness, a Timberlake hosted, telethon would bring?

#9 Taylor Swift
She suffered from Negrophobia after the infamous run-in with Kanye West. Uzo Aduba was Swift’s token monkey guest at the 4th of July party. Taylor Swift has legions of fans worldwide. She’s the new Dolly Parton. Don’t Forget: Taylor claims she LOVES Kendrick Lamar, and hand selected him to be featured on Bad Blood.  Swift could teach young people about the Middle Passage.

Taylor Swift Instagram, Fourth of July

#8 Warren Buffet
So what he’s a Trump supporter? Noted billionaire, Warren Buffet, is also a member of Roc Nation.  Buffet has humble beginnings.  He still resides in the same house he grew up in, and he absolutely loves fried chicken and watermelon.  Buffet can convince Illuminati heads to call off the executions.

Jay Z

#7 Kris Jenner

The Kardashians mom owns the media.  Kris Jenner may even know where the knife is that slashed Nicole Brown Simpson to death.  Kris is as powerful as Oprah.  If she tells us a flea can pull a tree, we’re rushing to hook that little sucker up! Jenner is a magnet for limelight.  Doesn’t the Black Lives Matter movement need more attention?

#6 Melania Trump

She’s beautiful, but what else?  Her husband is on the cusp of clenching the presidential election.  We don’t want a dumb quiet First Lady who ignores injustice, but remembers her salon appointment.  Will Melania Trump rally up all her fellow models and  cocaine abusers, at the next Botox party, to discuss the killings of Philando Castile and Alton Sterling?

#5 Scarlett Johansson

She is considered one of the most beautiful and talented actresses in the world.  Her boobs are all natural.  Woody Allens’ muse, Scarlett Johansson, is Hollyweird’s top grossing actress (surpassing Angelina Jolie).  Fans and industry elite are bound to listen to Johansson if she begged police to stop shooting us.

#4 Chet Hanx
Tom Hanks son is an aspiring rapper. He’s comfortable saying ‘nigger’ because he has tons of black friends. Chet Hanx has major access to Los Angeles hippies through out southern California. Chet can use one of his dad’s empty mansions to host a fund raising dinner with police, and families of all 600 unarmed black men & women murdered in police custody.


#3 Arianna Huffington

Arianna was slobbering all over DJ Khaled’s pipe at the White House Correspondence Dinner.  The ‘cloth talk’ was all in effort to steal Khaled’s SnapChat followers.  Do you think Huffington Post Editor in Chief, Arianna Huffington, had to start from scratch? Or did she simply invest her inheritance wisely? How many slave plantations did Huffington’s ancestors own? Arianna can teach the urban community how to flip our reparation payments.

#2 Justin Bieber

Justin made no secret in wanting to be black.  Justin Bieber and Lil Twist still share an intimate bromance.  Lil Za lives with Justin Bieber, and took 3 felony drug cases for him.  From his dreadlocks to tattoos – The Biebs has adopted the whole ninja persona.  Afro kitty cats flock to Justin’s concerts and shows.  He’s been compared to Tinseltown’s greatest players- Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney.  Justin Bieber is one of the most influential entertainers of all time.  If Black Lives really mattered to him, he could easily convince his 75 million Instagram followers to lighten up on people of color.  But O yea!  We forgot…he’s racist too:

#1 Ryan Seacrest
He has a pitch black puppy named Georgia. Ryan Seacrest is the reason we’re all forced to Keep Up With the Kardashians. Now he’s producing a show to flame the gay agenda for Magic’s son, EJ Johnson. He has EVERY job in Hollywood.  He is clearly the reason why nappy headed people like us lack opportunities. #BurbankSoWhite Ryan should put his popularity, talents, and cash, into producing a reality show relevant to the Black Lives Matter Movement. The show should chronicle state police undergoing mental evaluations, and lie detector tests. Broadcast police learning new training methods. Let us observe police officers reactions to the recent slayings. Seacrest’ hosting and production can change the world like John Walsh did with America’s Most Wanted.