We’ve been trying hard not to comment on the whole Adrian Peterson story. Our goal is to make you laugh so hard, you accidentally fart, not make you cry. Peterson’s heart wrenching tale of his son’s beating death is something you’ve heard about. Adding liquor to an empty stomach, the case has grown more weird.
Peterson’s alleged baby’s mother, Ann “Ashley” Doohen, is a supreme freak who was letting all sorts of random pipes smash her loose cakes.
The baby grew older and began developing Adrian’s looks. Ann realized his daddy wasn’t the sucker she’d convinced out of cash, and care, but even better- her baby’s daddy was Adrian Peterson. Her 2 year old son eventually died at the hands of her pimp boyfriend. Maurey Povich anyone ?
Twitter went crazy with all the sympathy, and heartfelt shout outs to the Minnesota Viking running back. Out of nowhere, BOOM! Bobby Ruffin admitted to being bamboozled:
So tired of this poor Adrian Peterson sh*t. Let me blow all your minds. The boy who died was my son. Yes A.P. he was the biological father but I raised him and he carried my name. Tyrese Robert Ruffin. I don’t blame AP for not really caring cuz him and I both found out recently who the biological father was. AP met my son for the first time yest when my son was already in coma. I was here today when we pulled the plug, not him. He was happily practicing and has no problem playing on Sunday. So yea this isn’t all out yet but I’m sick of the poor AP sh*t. He didn’t know or even meet my son. Sorry for the outburst but put yourself in my place.
Adrian met the child hours before his death, and now has to live with putting his career before his flesh and blood. At least Joseph Patterson will have to live in solitary confinement until he dies.
Why did the EXACT same thing happen to DJ Quik’s daughter? Her boyfriend also beat her baby to death.
Now that you’re drunk with confusion, TMZ is claiming your boy, Adrian has another secret kid. When asked about the tragedy affecting his game, he responded, “I’ll be ready to roll, focused.”